census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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