whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
