Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
