addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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