dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
