my mouth tastes like poor choices
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
