The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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