We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
