i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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