So drunk its hurt
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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