Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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