Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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