is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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