if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
