just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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