ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
