I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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