I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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