and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
