Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
