a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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