What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
