Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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