real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
