he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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