put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.