Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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