i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
