I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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