he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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