just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
