When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
