naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
