This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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