omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
