so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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