:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
