Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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