fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
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Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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