we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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