I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
