I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
