he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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