No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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