How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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