would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
