Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
