I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
