Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
