i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
