Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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