Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
