Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
