You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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