Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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