i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize