my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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