I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
