Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
