My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
