I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
