i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
