Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
