Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
