no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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