Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
