that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
