remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize