just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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