I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
