I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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