so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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