She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
