Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
