lets start a swedish sibling band together
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
