if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
